"...and this I have learned, grown-ups do not know the language of shadows..." Opal Whitely

Meet the Author • Introduction from the Book • Contact Info

Thank you for your interest in Sleeping with a Stranger. This is the book I didn't want to write, but it was the book I wanted to read when I was going through my own challenges.

This is the first book, and as far as I know, still the only book ever written about childhood sexual abuse from the perspective of the spouse and larger family unit of the perpetrator and his victim.

The book was featured on national televisions, Oprah, Phil Donahue, Maury Povich, and Leeza, as well as 20/20. The 20/20 piece has been rerun on the Justice Files and the Discovery Channel.

For the most part, these shows were supportive and thoughtful. However, myths and fears still crept in.

The best response to these came from Oprah herself when, long after the show was finished taping and the audience and guests were still talking, she remarked how normal, how together, how smart, how regular we all were. Then she went on to say, if it could happen to you, it could happen to anyone.

I wish I could say that in these years since I wrote the book, pedophilia, child sexual abuse, has diminished.

As the daily press reminds us, it hasn't.

I wish I could say that in this time, the courts have changed how they respond and act in all these cases.

Not all have. As the father of one of my clients (and an attorney himself) commented after a particularly disappointing decision, “People come to court expecting justice and get a decision.”

Currently the book is out of print, but I do have a few copies left. (And I do have plans to reprint a second edition myself, if the demand warrants.)

Writing Sleeping was very helpful in developing my understanding that what happens to me doesn't have to define me, or constrict me, unless I let it. What my husband did was his story, not mine. I can choose what I want in my life, and don't have to take what others impose upon me.

Since writing Sleeping, I have moved on. I am no longer a therapist, but am retired from professional practice. In my retirement, with a wonderful new man in my life, I am focusing on providing internet based products and services.

To say I now have a wonderful life is an understatement. I love where I am living, love what I am doing, and enjoy myself immensely. I tell you this, not to arouse your envy, but to reassure you that it is possible to put your life back together.

In fact, that is the subject of my second book, Taking Charge When You're Not in Control. Doesn't that say it all about being married to or a family member of a child molester?!!!?

Actually, Taking Charge is a result of my coming forward with Sleeping. Many of my friends and colleagues read Sleeping...and then told me, that although what happened to me didn't happen to them, what I said about what happened to me would have been, was, real helpful to them when...

And then, they went on to tell me about the horrific stories of the challenges they faced with what I have come to call Imposed Change: life changing events we couldn't predict, didn't cause, don't want, and can't avoid.

So, order the book... I promise to autograph it for you...and send it on its way priority mail. You should get it within less than a week.

For those of you who aren't familiar with ordering on the web...it is so easy, and so safe.

When you go to the order page, you can indicate the number of copies you want, and then, put in your credit card number. No one, not even me, sees your card number. It is all handled through a secure e-commerce site that codes and recodes the numbers so you don't have to worry.

Here is where you may have trouble with the order...however. Not in the numbers but in your address. The billing address of the card must match exactly the billing address you put on the order. EXACTLY! Else wise, it won't go through.

You can also indicate a mailing address. This is the address that the book will be sent to. The only way the book will be sent to your credit card billing address is if you don't give me an additional mailing address.

Be sure to add your email and your phone number are included so I can check in with you if there is a problem.

Hang in there...I know it feels like things will never get better. And, truth be told, it does seem to take forever. Many women report that it can take up to three years before all the legalities and the emotionality starts to simmer down.

My favorite prayer during my challenges was "This too shall pass." I also would remind myself of what one of my spiritual advisors said: "It came to pass, it didn't come to stay."


Take good care of yourself...